My eyes bleed 'tired.' :-( I need another vacation. Soon.

Jun 22, 2007

Helmetinthes. Nihilistically so. Altruistically nihilistic. Selfishly altruistic. And it whirls, one idea chasing the other, in quite a remarkably circular path. Does it help that I understand the locii? :|

Aug 16, 2007

El mar.

Jun 26, 2008

Bad reduction formula. Why? Because: Epistemological Fallacy = Meta-epistemological Tautology.

Fuckin pseud.

Amen.

Oh, what should be gathered now?
Times gone can never be back?
When people repeatedly falter
they can never bounce back?
Silence will not help?

No, don't hum the lyric
when you're playing
your game of chess
with a computer
and taking a break.

Don't you see
it can cause
a certain heart
to be wrung
just as
the unplugged version of
Isaiyil Thodangudamma
could?

Stray, starry-eyed Boddha
Sleeps
As the rays of a full moon
Paint the waves of a land and time
So far.
#foreternity

And as I try swimming through the everydays, moments from yore count for precious little breaths. It's not as if they're never again to be.

There will be time
Time again.

And I shall live to see a thousand splendid full moons.

Cold,
Cold days.
Broken,
Heartbroken.

I am such a crab.
#confession

Who are we?

Inebriated souls
Waiting for the other
To make a move.

How do you survive in the midst of people who genuinely don't follow the fine aspects of any form of art that's close to you and ask if you're drunk when you talk or write about it?
(In short, those who lack quality ilakiya, oviya and isai rasanai.)
Well, you put up with it, I suppose.

And I see but
Shadows of people
That I don't seem to understand
Anymore.
And all I want to say is:
Get back to your old, old self.
(Well, it holds good for me too!)

Lesson of the day

If irritated with unwarranted comments, sugar coats, and with ones that are myopic, or critics because they want to be:

Let the steam off.
Count backwards from whichever one you want.
Tell yourself that nothing or no one is worth it for however many times you want.
Try not to swear whenever possible. Sometimes though, this might help:

"Aaarrrghhhhhhhhh
Die. Just please die.
Aaarrrghhhhhhhhh.
Aaarrrghhhhhhhhh.

Did you feel me mentally kicking you out of my life? Boy, can you be irritating!"

Moonshine

Nothing else inspires as much
at 0330 in the AM:
When nightfall wears out
And a gleam of hope reigns.

I could wake up
Every passing day at this hour
And not feel any less inspired.

What am I?

Complacent.
In a bad way before,
Good way now.

Everyday rhythm:
Moments within moments,
Tied to an eternal
Leap of faith.

Whither drifts the raft,
Thither goes the soils of life
And the soul of eyes,
Wispy and tardy.

Not for too long, friend.

#JustInTime #dedication

What would you do?

"For the other half of the sky?"

memories, fond.
go, let alone.

It's going to be harder
for me to find you
among Them.

Nothing is as close to two people who don't say a word to eachother for the longest time,and yet don't feel as awkward and act as strangers would.

#PerfectlyNormal

Why,
Is it so hard
To think in negatives.
Than it is to
Prepare for the worst of storms.

Thinkaboutit

When numbers fail,
Candles melt.

The Corporate blood
Leads course:
It runs through veins
takes over dear,
dear words,
masks expression
like a trap
would.

But then,
the open sky
and sea
aren't far away,
are they?

Just as dainty candlesticks
That cast their shadow
On the warm, heavy
unused Furniture
by the fireplace,
So will one life
serenade
another.

Do I have to have a strong opinion?
Do I have to know how to pronounce crepe?
Do I have to express myself
my love, angst, and emptiness?

Well, then,

Look into my eyes.

Days, people, time
And me
Pass.

Trying to make sense.

Like a beautiful unfinished pot
That's broken.

Like

Pollen against the grain.

I wrote
Your name,
By the beach
Of a land so plain,
And it still remains.

Why ask for an opinion when you know you're not going to go by it?

When names
And faces
Become
Familiar
As strangers.

A penrose wish:
Movies I love never end
And some of my dreams are easy to realize.

Sometimes I don't know what else to say but that I miss you and I miss us.
- a someone

Some Feynman for the soul.

It’s in my head.
In my arteries and veins.

I don't know if travelling through strange lands will bail me out but I'm going to try, nevertheless.

To forge my mental tenacity if nothing else.

For the days seem long
when the Moon goes missing.

-
Pet Peeve
I hate smiling for more than a few minutes im any given situation. No, not because I like morbid or some such. But because my jaws ache bad after a point. Oh boy!

This time,
the breath,
another bed
of lies
in my head.

-
Memory of
Whiskey on the table:
Yellow.

-
Sabbath tomorrow:
and many moons ago
a thought was sown
on which I run
the rest of my life.

You mean
To me
What the moon
Is
to me.

Home of life
Rendered
Lifeless
Door
Yard away
Another home
another life
Another love
Of none.
Only to hold.

How I yearn
To sit by that bridge
With my feet in the chill waters
Of the stream running below
With a light head
a heavy heart
And no sound of people
for miles around.

Yeah. At least I can imagine it for now.
Does anyone here know how to stitch such dreams? :|

Dear Reader

Confession: I have selfish (bordering cryptic) posts here. I trust that you understand and respect that this is a way for me to lay my words in public but know that only I and those concerned will know why exactly something has been written.

It is probably reflective of my private personality but I sincerely haven't intended to write so. Yes, even after all these years I am not comfortable outside of my shell.

Thankyou for your support thus far,
Ramses

Heartburn

Burned heart.

Difficult to find:

People who are honest to themselves.

And when I do find them, it wrings my heart and strengthens my faith in humanity.

You are
The imperfection in perfection.

ijusthadtosaythis ii

You're not alone, loner!

Heehaw.

The more I
See people
Hear laughter
Smell ambiences
Touch tangibles
Speak words,

The more I
Feel empty,

The more I
seek our silences
and silent smiles
just as when
we listened to music
that defined us
with a glass of wine
by the Orange textured
walls of Shiv Krupa.

ijusthadtosaythis

it's like wine being aware of getting lonelier with time.

Choked

As I stand
in the still-coldness of my room
I see my hopes and loves
once upon
drift away
like the gentle sea breeze.

And as I stand
in the still-warmth of my room
I realize I can't speak
about any of it
however much I try
to clear my throat.

Happen
Tire
Tried
True
Smile
Smoke
Smell
Alive
Silence
Help
Trout
Swore
Swagger
Stitch
Shame
Figure
Guilt
Draft

Community, family, consortium, religion, country, state, institution..
All for a sense of belonging.
Farcical and empowering, nevertheless.

"Aasai mugam marandu poche
Adai, yaar idam solvennadi thozhi?
Nesam marakavillai nenjam
Enil ninaivu mugam marakalaamo?"

I can't seem to be able to
Write poetry
Anymore.

Coming to think of it, when it comes to grave situations, people do eventually become fighters one way or the other (even if they try to give up). You are labelled so as well to make yourself sound strong.

Well, you play along and act strong when you are already so, I guess.

United

Yea, it's that time of your life when behavior is a way of life but wish you could go back to the days when you wore behaviour and felt proud about it.

Irony of life: Holding your post-teen hormones as you enter twenty and believing that you want to die without hurting anyone.

Irony of life 2: Forced to think the above was a stupid ideal when you cross twenty five.

"So this is, this is how it feels to be crushed."

Premise

I have reason to believe that no one bears a stone for a heart. The thought that makes you not want to give up on humanity.

"What have they done to you, to your soul?"

"Is this how the ache of the heart feels, grandpa? It stings." "Where is my angst? Where is my Existential-Nihilist?"

Love

The more I try to find you in them, the more I know they can never be close to who you are and who you are to me.

And the best part is, I don't care about whoever in this world reads this but I truly wish you do. Someday. If leaving a footprint is easy then.

Do you?
Identify with them.
Do they know?
Who you truly are.

Which one do I go by?

Mugilinangal alaigiradhey mugavarigal tholaindanavo?
Mugavarigal tavariyadal azhudhidumo adu mazhaayo

**
Nilavinai nambi iravugal illai
Vilakkugal kaattum velichchaththin ellai
Oru vaasal moodi maru vaasal vaippaan iraivan.

And there are people -
who take a breath away -
like butterflies.

Meh ;)

"Helloo! Do I know-know you? :|"
"No, no!"

"You've changed... Well, thumbs up to the new avatar. I'd like to see the old you back someday, though."

"Your *e*** is not going to appreciate those who are true, is it?"

Big question

getting answered: Where did/do I belong?

I am an Indian who found myself (well, philosophically) in Sri Lanka. Not that georgraphy matters, but I guess it means I am going to be making some strong moves with my life. Gear up for the changes, Ramses!

Stutter

I don't know, I don't know if I should trust poetry or poems anymore. Including my mutterings and me.

Priceless

The price one has to pay for being nice to a loser/a spiteful person.

Running Away

From streets of minds
to isles of light;
swings of the hand,
to the smoke of cigarettes;
eyes of anger,
to a sunken face;
nobody seems to be
a mirror of themselves.
Wrought by Buoyant forces,
we'll make Archimedes proud.

***
For Eliot prophesied that there never will be a time, after all.

***
For Isabella prays the cold, harsh days are but nightmares she can wake up from.

***
For this is just one life and nothing really matters at the end of the day. Who the heck selflessly cares for what happens to the dead, anyway?

Bastard.

Living

It's been many Fridays - and it continues to be hard to say the night from the day for Marly.

When you apply paste on your toothbrush and realize the day is actually the night, you know that you've been vegetating. She can snap out, yea, but her faith wouldn't let her.

24 hours is not enough;
so much more for the four-chambered piece to feel empty;
as much as the distance between an hour and a minute.

So, what's it going to be like sipping green tea while overlooking the city from a window on the 50th floor of a building? Will there be time to consider the weather or the skies then?

Well, got to get there.

What's a man to a woman?
He who stands by strong enough to make her hold back her tears or he who stands away and lets her fall apart?

What's a woman to a man?
She who stands by strong enough as he learns life's hard lessons or she who runs away from him for his shortcomings?

***
Someone said/wants to and will say: "Before the world, I say, "I am sorry." And, I mean it from the brimming caverns of my eyes and soul."

***
The loneliness of a long distance runner. 

People are interested in your life.
Sure they are.
People care about you.
 Sure they do.
***

How do people with so much spite sleep in peace? Or do they?
***


They are funny, the times we live in. I can use an app or a one line formula on excel to find out how many days i have lived in exact but somehow, these few minutes i don't feel like doing so.
May be we/I won't be flake someday.
May be We/I agree that We/I still do have control over our lives and our future.
Chippi irrukudu. Muthum irrukudu.
***

Pada pada nu irrukku, Rama. 

Broken

Bridge
over troubled water.
Watching water recede
(from the sand).
Waiting to see
sand being advanced,
by the water of a turbulent sea,
from the
Bridge
not Broken.

...When tout est calme, may'aps.

Tout Est Calme

Falsifying, breaking, burning.

What else is left in the reprimanding, Almighty?

For the record:

There's a sharp, sharp pain,

right where it all resided.

Chagrin. That's what has resulted.

If that's what these were meant to do.

If that's what makes someone happy.

If that's what gives someone peace.

Very well, is there a choice?
There's got to be a weather to take it all.

Punctured in reality...

...Unlike the other times.

Would it matter if, in humble astuteness and hope, I know it can be filled up (or made sturdy with tubeless tyres, mayaps) because of that very awareness? Would you stand by a little while?

Eshara said: We are acting and being different now - but that doesn't mean we have changed. Nothing can change us, or our soul.

The little joys, Eliot

Let us go then, you and I
...
...through certain half-deserted streets
The muttering retreats..
...
And indeed, there will be time
...
After the sunsets and the dooryards...
After the novels, after the teacups...
...
...white flannel trousers - you shall wear and walk upon the beach
...

:)

iKnow

I don't figure in the everydays. May be I should move away from stuff I figure in as well.
But I don't know, I don't know why I don't feel strong about moving away, you know.

Somedays

Set aside somedays -

For rides in a hot air balloon.
Across clear and cloudy skies,
Above the oceans and deserts,
Close to the peaks of ice-capped mountains.
Grasslands, plain-lands, plateaus, volcanoes:
Everywhere, but through smoke-filled city heights.

Possible, you say?

Somedays -

There are wishes made for songs
to be sung
not by the original singers
or the music player, but by the one
who holds all the charm,
for you.

Bad days.

Today just got worse.

brother and bugger

xyz: know how shitty being being pricked every time can be?
abc: sure, brother
xyz: painful shite, say what, bugger?
abc: you got it, brother

Today

Bad day turned worst day ends with gentle breeze that soothes the eyes.

Lives of others

Chandran's guests would have complemented Sita for being a wonderful host and told Chandran how lucky he was to have such a partner, when they would have been invited over the first time, to celebrate Chandran and Sita's first wedding anniversary.

If only there were more time to have paused and thought, he wouldn't have run away from her; from his own shadow, like a cliché. And she wouldn't have had to sit alone in their once cosy balcony and gaze into the empty streets to while away time.

If only I had charms that would make them grow strong in their bond and happiness - Gosh, they sorely need some! 

Of dichotomy

Just as when you plan a surprise celebration (birthday, perhaps) three months in advance, have three different back up plans for it (adapted to different scenarios that may come up on the day), buy souvenirs, make bookings, think of calling Xs, Ys and Zs and then revise to include As, Bs and Cs, and then decide not to have them at all lest they ruin the exclusivity, and make more of those enthusiastic devise changes,

You think you should visit a temple before beginning the celebrations, and then understand you have to stall all plans as you are outright excluded from the life of the celebration's reason,

So was Tamara's astonishment and disappointment as she learned the kick-ass project she put her heart and soul into was decommissioned without notice.

She could hope for resurrection and for sense to becalm those behind the decision, but will it work? Does it have to be that way even?

Who will will to see her through?

Who cares about dichotomy or you, anyway?

Alive

Fire in hand,
burned.
Tussle in the ear,
Torn.
Something for the future,
Endured.

Fumble.

People. People, people, people.

Fag-Burn

Oh hey, there are those men,
pot-bellied, self-righteous ones,
perhaps even women,
the imposter kinds,
whom you smoke with,
who are more interested in your life,
(yes, they are, or so they say)
as they plan their next smoke,
and break with others like you.

Oh, you know well.. you know Selfish.

I pray, for the million unsaid prayers
I make before the next breath.

Could do with some blessings, boons or goodwill.
So those sulks, or swears needn't be borne.