So many people to be met and remembered.
So many pleasantries to be exchanged.
None to suspire with in contentment.

Version 1:
And they leave
without a trace.

Version 2:
And they leave
without a trace
taking a part of me
with them.

Why. It hurts. To this second and beyond.

Sometimes, people forget to ask questions like "how are you?" in earnestness, to someone who truly needs it (like me and today).

The crab in oneself
that doth walks sideways
be one's great enemy.
Teach'th a lesson,
does time, be chanced,
as the unlearn'd crab 
act'th again.

I saw a man
with kohl-rimmed eyes
and blood red sockets
staring into everything
before him
(in anger perhaps).

Who is he?

Does one like someone or the idea of someone?

The problem with me is. I internalise what I see. A lot. And then fail miserably at differentiating what I've internalised. Hmph.

To think that one has lived and survived as ramses for almost 10 years and continue to be remembered and referred to thus. #humbling.

Drafted meaning,
wafting.

Such pointlessness in life.

#vazhkai #varthaigal

Oh.
Juggle, wriggle, muffle
My nerve endings.
#YannTiersen

How many times
do I need to
re-architect
re-build
and
live in
a dream.

Give me a heaven from above
and I'll butt my ruminations.

I'll need to have stronger emotions, I feel.
But all I experience is an overwhelm.

My mind
seems to me
an asylum.

Just when I was hoping my deduction wasn't right.
Just when I thought I was close to another reality.

I knew, I'd solved this puzzle.

Infinite Loop

Will your lips speak the same lies as your eyes
and your eyes speak the same lies as your lips?

Measuring our life in quarters to experiencing every minute is not so far away a dream, I reckon.

The day I absolve ties to my current life and essay the roles of a permaculturist, architect, builder, carpenter, cook, companion, dreamer, I know contentment will run deep - in my veins even.

And it will make me live twenty years longer.

Pavithra's head awaits the shoulder it will be comfortable with.

The resident
optimist in me
believes
the world will be
as limitless
as the mind
#someday.

Well, there's supposed to be meaning
In every action and thought
But I see another hope
that needs to be crushed.

I don't like that it's taking way too long to complete this puzzle.

And this morning
shall lay subdued
to thoughts
that come in hues. 

And in its rays
will one find
the splintering
of a soul, immortal.

(written on the 12th)

And the notes of your music,
oh, musician, draws me
from one trance to another
cycle after cycle.

Do I need a language
to understand you?

I'm slowly being done with attaching sentimental value to tangibles and intangibles. 

I've forgotten what it is like to be in love.
Or, may be, I'm just done with the farce.
How far away is my companion, mate?

My doubts drown me.
They're my biggest enemy.
But it doesn't happen with everybody.

And there is poetry in making dosais and talking about poetry and writing.

And, ha. It all makes sense!

I act like I am not acting. #ijusthadtosaythis

Oh, sitarame.
Yen chitirame!

Shiva! Īśvara! Maheśvara!
There's tranquility your name invokes,
in all the movement and chaos -

very much like you!

And in your name,
beholds
an eternal trance!

Kadhalikka Neramillai

Kadhalikka neram irrukku,
solla dhaan nazhi illai-o?
alla, thayakkamo?

#tribute

These eyes
find it hard
to contain
the joy
from a genuine
heart,
or limbic center.

And as they beam,
they speak
a thousand
syllables.

oh, tug-a-lug. tug-a-lug, my limbic system!

Retards. Fucktards. Whatever you want to call them.
Die. Bitches.

Have you experienced something so beautiful that it has made you silent, sad, empty, socially awkward, stammer, stumble and yet you wish it touches your life every single moment like the gentle full-moon night's breeze by a deserted beach?

I have. And I don't think I'll ever get tired of it.

If I were your sea, will you be my sea? #inspiration #yanntiersen

Decision-Making

Accept a wish or compliment gracefully or dismiss them profusely.

I am so in love with my self-indulgent writing on this blog off late! 

I remember writing parts of this before. But I feel like saying this (again) now: "A silent overwhelm" but add two more words to make it: "A silent and pleasant overwhelm."
#lifechanges

Statement 1: I need more life-defining moments in my life!

Statement 2: I think I'm closer to more life-defining moments in my life!

I used to be a person of few words!

Wrung

It's like this heart is waiting for a picture perfect moment that will make it beat faster or slower and even make it stop.

Live

For the countless beautiful moments in life that only the eyes of my/your/our mind can capture.

Say it, do it!
#LifeLesson

It never can be love or hate if it wears out. It's a part of self-discovery.

Ragged feeling. Like nothing really matters.

And yet, there are certain things in life that leave behind scars. Serving as painful reminders of mistakes from the past.

I wish I had an endless supply of Benson & Hedges to smoke the hell out of my mind for the rest of this night along with all the silence I can muster.

And: I like Benson & Hedges for the name and nothing really else.

And after the templated coaching, you're going to know when exactly someone is using which cue and you'll automatically be bored. There's going to be #nothingdifferent about life or humans then.

Why

Do I want to be with people who typically smoke in a group but one fine day you notice they come out to smoke alone, too? And be with them in those moments over other chaotic ones so more meaningful conversations can be had?

How hard is it to forgive, man? How easy is it to give up, woman?

Pointless

Point of no return.

Sometimes, all the noise on a Facebook post and all the silence in the world is not enough.

The presence of absence :)

Edutha, edutha idathilaiye vekkanumnu yaarum sollikudukkalaiya?
#conversations #brother

Vairagyam.
Ul urruthal.
Cancalam.

"Nilaavilae paarttha vannam,Kannaavilae thoandrum innum"
or
"Mouname parvaiyal oru paatu paada vendum
naaname jaadayal oru varthai pesa vendum"

or

"Mounamae paarvaiyaay paesi kondoam,

Naanamae vaNNamaay poosi kondoam"

Pursed lips
welcome words
meant to be unsaid.

Yaar arria? Yaar purindukolla? 

I fall in love so easily
And struggle to fall out
easily.

Falling

apart and apart
are falling apart?
apart from Falling Apart?

Tonight I want to write an ode to the Sea and the Moon. Perhaps I won't because this body and mind of mine is quite worn out this night and no purpose seems worth a pursuit.

I have no idea where I am, what I am doing, or why. Okay, may be I do literally (typing this post on my phone on the way back home because this thought occurred to me) but not quite metaphorically.

We crave,
Explicitly or secretly,
For an acknowledgement
Of what we say
And what we don't.

We're human, we make mistakes, we learn.
And when we read something interesting,
We sometimes want to save it
for a breakfast table conversation
Or some such
But eventually don't.

I want to claim Master status in the #artoffakingit. It doesn't refer to anything carnal. There. Did I plant a silly thought in your mind? Good. #missionaccomplished

Why do I find myself drawn to a certain craziness in some people :|?
The rest aren't worth a thought anyway.
But. Ugh. It's too obvious a pattern and I (secretly don't) wish I don't fall for it again.

Come on, show me what else you've got, World. Surprise me.

Silence.
So easy to get by.

#imagine
Not having a shadow of yourself.  Will you miss it?

Ugh. People. People, people, people.

And even if the world crumbles,
seas wash cities and towns,
fires engulf every landscape,
the skies stop bearing rain,
currents take the air I breathe away,

my hopes and aspirations
will remain
steady and strong.

I realised on a cab ride to work that the only flower I pretty much truly like and appreciate is the Bougainvillea. They're so light and beautiful with no strong scent.

Oh, photographer,
Stop your pretense.
You had no idea you would
Get that beautiful picture
When you clicked.

Neither did you forsee
That bad composition
You so promptly deleted
From your
Sophisticated
D-SLR
Without a trace.

Making it seem
Like nothing was ever
Shot
Without your expectation
Of perfection.

It's so easy for me to mirror someone I like with my thoughts, speech, and emotions! #whattodo

But heck. I'm too tired of being worked up to the point that it seems so meaningless to be so. I am getting back my silence and my peace, though. It's definitely warmer and stronger.

I miss my own silence.

My eyes bleed 'tired.' :-( I need another vacation. Soon.

Jun 22, 2007

Helmetinthes. Nihilistically so. Altruistically nihilistic. Selfishly altruistic. And it whirls, one idea chasing the other, in quite a remarkably circular path. Does it help that I understand the locii? :|

Aug 16, 2007

El mar.

Jun 26, 2008

Bad reduction formula. Why? Because: Epistemological Fallacy = Meta-epistemological Tautology.

Fuckin pseud.

Amen.

Oh, what should be gathered now?
Times gone can never be back?
When people repeatedly falter
they can never bounce back?
Silence will not help?

No, don't hum the lyric
when you're playing
your game of chess
with a computer
and taking a break.

Don't you see
it can cause
a certain heart
to be wrung
just as
the unplugged version of
Isaiyil Thodangudamma
could?

Stray, starry-eyed Boddha
Sleeps
As the rays of a full moon
Paint the waves of a land and time
So far.
#foreternity

And as I try swimming through the everydays, moments from yore count for precious little breaths. It's not as if they're never again to be.

There will be time
Time again.

And I shall live to see a thousand splendid full moons.

Cold,
Cold days.
Broken,
Heartbroken.

I am such a crab.
#confession

Who are we?

Inebriated souls
Waiting for the other
To make a move.

How do you survive in the midst of people who genuinely don't follow the fine aspects of any form of art that's close to you and ask if you're drunk when you talk or write about it?
(In short, those who lack quality ilakiya, oviya and isai rasanai.)
Well, you put up with it, I suppose.

And I see but
Shadows of people
That I don't seem to understand
Anymore.
And all I want to say is:
Get back to your old, old self.
(Well, it holds good for me too!)

Lesson of the day

If irritated with unwarranted comments, sugar coats, and with ones that are myopic, or critics because they want to be:

Let the steam off.
Count backwards from whichever one you want.
Tell yourself that nothing or no one is worth it for however many times you want.
Try not to swear whenever possible. Sometimes though, this might help:

"Aaarrrghhhhhhhhh
Die. Just please die.
Aaarrrghhhhhhhhh.
Aaarrrghhhhhhhhh.

Did you feel me mentally kicking you out of my life? Boy, can you be irritating!"

Moonshine

Nothing else inspires as much
at 0330 in the AM:
When nightfall wears out
And a gleam of hope reigns.

I could wake up
Every passing day at this hour
And not feel any less inspired.